Life is Death
by Apple Snapple
Summary: They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, for Mukahi, a car accident to him is worth a hundred thousand words. Humoristic Angst. Completed
1. Surgery

**I'm writing Humoristic Angst. Wow.**

**I don't know why. This just got stuck in my head**

**You should read Accident since it's kind of a prequel. But, of course, you don't need it to get the story. It's just there so you get a sense of what I'm doing.**

**I'm having a feeling that this isn't going to be as...humorful. Partly because it's humoristic angst.**

**Enjoy Life is Death!**

* * *

Shishido was pacing around the room, looking extremely furious. "That stupid idiot! He just went and got himself injured and we didn't even start practice yet!" 

"You know, it's partly your fault for calling him stupid and a total failure," Oshitari pointed out.

"That's not the point! He didn't have to run like that and try to kill himself!"

"Ore-sama demands to know why this has happened!" Atobe barked.

Kabaji just stood there.

"Um, it's partly my fault," Ohtori said. "If I'd just ran faster I might've been able to...catch him."

"Ore-sama still demands to know what has happened!"

"To sum it all up, Shishido said Gakuto was stupid and a total failure, and then Gakuto snapped and started crying," Oshitari explained.

Shishido rolled his eyes. "And then he went total bonkers and started running like hell."

"You know, it's still partly your fault."

"Yeah, yeah, I know!" Shishido said. "I'm just frustrated right now because he's in the emergency room having a surgery and he might die!"

Everyone winced at this.

Jirou woke up. "Hmm? What happened? Why are we in the hospital?" He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"He's having surgery right now," Hiyoshi mumbled.

Jirou's eyes went wide. "What?! Who's having surgery?" He looked around. "Where's Muka-kun?"

"Um, he's the one who's having surgery," Ohtori replied.

"What happened?"

Atobe shook his head. "He just went and ran in front of a truck."

Jirou's eyes went even wider.

"Well, technically, the guy didn't exactly go in front of the truck. It just...happened to be there when he crossed," Shishido explained.

Everyone fell silent.

Just then the doctor came out of the emergency room. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the doctor said. "Which one do you want first?"

No one answered, they all just stared at the doctor.

"Ahem...well, I guess I should give the good news first. Your friend's going to be okay."

Relief flooded on everyone's faces.

"Although...there's a possibility that he's going to be bedridden for his whole life."

Almost everyone had a shocked expression. Even Kabaji's eyes were a bit wider as he said this.

"And he might not be able to talk very well. His vocal cords were a bit damamged. If you want, you can all visit him now, but only for a few minutes. He needs to rest." The doctor led everyone to the room Mukahi was staying in.

"He looks awful," Shishido mumbled. "Is he awake? I can't tell with all those tubes sticking out of his face."

Mukahi mumbled something.

"I guess that means a yes."

Mukahi opened his eyes and started glaring at everyone. "Not...stupid."

Atobe slapped his forehead. "You just got out of surgery and you're worried about whether you're stupid or not."

"Dead?"

"Um, Mukahi-senpai, you're not dead," Ohtori answered.

"Oh..." Mukahi's eyelids began to droop down.

"I think that's enough," the doctor said. "He needs to rest now. Oh, does anyone have any way to contact Mukahi-san's parents? I haven't gotten a hold of them."

Atobe was the one who answered. "His parents are in France right now for buisness. They're coming back in about a week."

"I see..."

Everyone just stared.

Shisihdo finally broke the silence. "How did you know his parents were away? I don't think anyone else knew."

"As captain of the team I'm supposed to know these things."

"Oh..."

"I believe all of you should be getting home. It's almost midnight. Your families must be worried sick if you're not home."

Everyone silently agreed. They shuffled silently out of the room, glancing back occasionally at Mukahi, who was at the moment sleeping peacefully.

* * *

**So, what'dya think? Really, I don't know if I made them too ooc or not. I can't really tell.**

**I realized that this is very short. It's just a prolouge. Next chapter will be longer, even if I have to kill myself to do it.**

**Agh. I'm in angst mode right now. Blame it on hyperdude for have EMO FICS on FMA.**

**xD Please review!**


	2. Recovery and a Discovery

**Yeah...Humoristic Angst.**

**Seriously have no idea where that idea popped out of. But, I'm here writing humoristic angst, so I guess it isn't really that much of a problem.**

**Yeah. Many of you are probably wondering why this scenario seems so familiar to you all. The whole not being able the walk thing. Yeah. I stole that from Kotaro Yanagi. Same thing happened to him.**

**Probably should've mentioned it in chapter 2. xD Oh well, I'm mentioning it right now so...**

**I realized along with blupenguin15 that I barely had ANY description whatsoever in chapter 1. Therefore, I shall make more description for the ongoing chapters! I'm just a bit used to writing oneshot drabbles, so...**

**Wish me luck!**

* * *

Mukahi slowly opened his eyes. He winced and squinted at the bright light coming from the windows to his left. He looked around the room, finding it bare except for a stool next to his bed and a nightstand to his right. He glared at the ceiling and made a mental note to himself that if he had to stay in the hospital again, he'd ask to be put in a room where the walls weren't covered with green wallpaper. 

Just then the doctor came into the room, wearing a white coat. "Ah...good to see you're awake, Mukahi-san," he said warmly.

Mukahi tried to open his mouth but the doctor shook his head. "No, no, it'd be best if you didn't talk. You vocal cords are damaged right now. Try not to strain yourself."

_Fascinating._ he thought._ If I can't talk how am I supposed to communicate with him? Sign language?_

The doctor hesitated. "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?"

Mukahi glared at him pointedly. The doctor cleared his throat. "Right, you aren't supposed to be talking. Well, I'll give you the good news first. There's a possibility that you will be able to talk again freely after a few months of recovery. However..." he hesitated again. "I'm afraid that you will be bedridden for possibly the rest of your life."

Mukahi eyes went wide. _Does that mean I can't walk anymore?_

The doctor saw the question in Mukahi's eyes and nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid that you won't be able to walk anymore. Or play tennis, for that matter."

Mukahi just stared at the ceiling. _Strange. Aren't I supposed to be like, hypventilating over here or something? Or am I really going insane? _

The doctor sighed. "Your friend told me that your parents were away on a buisness trip to France. Am I correct?" Mukahi slowly nodded. "Well, I've sent them an email notifying them of the accident. If you're lucky, they might be back before the week is over." He smiled. "Don't worry, I've told them that you're in stable condition, so they shouldn't be too worried."

_Too worried. Yeah, right. All they're worried about is losing their heir or whatever. _Mukahi rolled his eyes.

"Your friends have come to visit you. Do you want them to see you now?" Mukahi nodded. "Alright then. I'll let them in." The doctor turned and walked out the door, closing it on his way out.

A few minutes later, Atobe, Oshitari, Jirou, Shishido, and Kabaji entered the room. The all crowded around Mukahi, with Shishido and Oshitari to Mukahi's left and the rest to his right.

Mukahi twitched and started glaring at Shishido.

Shishido glared back. "Cranky much?"

Mukahi rolled his eyes and slowly grabbed the notebook and pencil that was lying on the nightstand and began writing. _"Yeah. I'm not nearly as cranky as I should be right now, considering that I can't WALK!" _He handed the notebook to Shishido.

Shishido stared at the words. "Yeah...about that. Sorry about saying you were stupid and a total failure back there," he said, handing back the notebook to Mukahi. "Except, what made you run away like that?"

Mukahi shook his head, indicating that he didn't know.

"Ore-sama has contacted your parents," Atobe said. "They should be here in about a day or two. Ne, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

Mukahi just rolled his eyes and wrote: _"Fun. Fascinating. Can't wait to meet them. They're probably going to yell at me and scream about how stupid I am for running right into a truck like that. By the way, what happened to the driver?"_

Oshitari read the note. "The driver's fine. Isn't injured at all," he answered. "But you're in the news."

_"Oh great. Now there's probably going to be five thousand interviewers screaming at me about what I feel being hit by a truck. Yeah. I feel great. Never better, just a few injuries here and there. Oh, by the way, did you know that I can't walk anymore? Yeah...fascinating."_

Jirou frowned. "Muka-kun, are you okay? I mean, like, are you okay with your condition?"

Mukahi froze at this. _Can't walk...can't play tennis anymore, _he thought. _Can't play tennis anymore._ His eyes started to well up with tears. He quickly wiped them away and began scribbling furiously. _"How would you feel if you couldn't walk anymore? Or, rather, you couldn't play tennis anymore? At all?"_

Everyone was silent. Shishido was the one who finally spoke up. "Well, I'd be in shock, probably. Maybe a bit in denial. But, if you recover enough, you'll be able to use a wheelchair, right? I mean, right now you can move your arms and write and stuff, so it's okay, right?"

Mukahi slowly nodded. _"But what about tennis?"_

Jirou brightened up, wearing a sloppy grin. "I know! You can play wheelchair tennis!"

_"Wheelchair tennis?"_

"Yeah! You can have someone pushing you while you're on a wheelchair so you can hit the ball with your racket!"

Oshitari shook his head. "I don't think it's the same for Gakuto. What about all his acrobatic moves?"

"Well...yeah..."

Mukahi began writing again.

Shishido took the notebook and read aloud. "Shishido, you were always in denial from the start. Get over it. Hey!" He glared. "I am NOT in denial!"

Mukahi just smirked.

"Ore-sama still does not get why Gakuto has a tube stuck to his nose," Atobe said, a look of confusion on his face.

Everyone just stared. Except for Mukahi, who was writing.

Oshitari read the note. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because it's a feeding tube? And like, if I don't have it I might starve?!"

Atobe glared. "Why do you have a feeding tube?"

Shishido smacked his forehead. "Because he can't digest regular foods yet! Duhh! He was in a car accident!"

"So then what does he get as food?"

"That." Jirou pointed at a pouch of fluid that was hanging beside Mukahi's bed.

Atobe had a look of disgust on his face. "That is not food! That's...crap!"

Shishido rolled his eyes. "He's not going to taste it you know."

"It is not fit for a human!"

"It's only for a couple of days. Then he'll get hospital food."

Jirou's eyes went wide with horror. "Hospital food is disgusting!! It tastes like chalk and cardboard mixed with water!"

"Ore-sama shall give him real food!"

Mukahi began writing again. _"Real food as in commoner's food or your idea of random rich people's food?"_

Atobe waved a hand in the air. "Whatever. Doesn't really matter."

"Atobe, I don't think they'll allow him to eat anything but hospital food," Oshitari said.

"Why not?" Atobe demanded.

"He's probably going to get soft foods that he can digest easily first. So they might not let you bring in food for him."

"Ore-sama shall give him soft food! Ne, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"..."

* * *

Mukahi sighed. His parents had come home three hours ago and they went straight to the hospital, demanding that the doctor explain to them what was going on. The doctor explained, and then led them to his room. Currently, his parents were sitting in stools provided by the staff and were staring at him. 

His mother and father were wearing matching identical buisness suits with ties. Mukahi looked at them, then stared at the green wall across from him. He had gotten his feeding tube out yesterday, so now he could move more freely. The doctor had also given him permission to speak, but only on the condition that he wouldn't talk for long periods of time.

Right now he was sitting on his bed with his back leaning against his pillow. He had a feeling something was going to go wrong, considering the fact that Atobe had been wrong when he said his parents were going to come back in a day. Actually, his parents had come back a week later than expected. He looked back to his parents, and waited.

It was his mother who spoke first. "Honey, we have something to say to you."

His father broke in sharply. "He does not need kind and gentle words directed at him!"

His mother turned and faced his father. "Well, considering the circumstances he's in, and what we're about to tell him, we don't really need to be that harsh, do we?"

"He needs to learn that life will always be harsh, whether he likes it or not! He is of no concern to us now."

Mukahi stared. _No concern? What are they talking about?_

His mother turned back to him. "Well, as I've told you before, we have something to say to you." She fiddled with the handkerchief in her hand. "We...have come to a decision. Concerning you."

His father stared at him with his cold brown eyes. "You have no decision in this. This is entirely up to us. We are just telling you what we have done."

Mukahi rolled his eyes. "Oh, great. Fascinating news I've had all day," he said in a small voice.

"You will not use that tone with me!" he barked. "You will not use that tone with me! Respect the courtesy of your visitors!"

Mukahi stared. "Visitors? Don't you mean parents?"

The red-haired woman winced. "Well, it's been decided that...you are no longer our son."

He began gave out a hollow laugh. "What? You're giving up custody over me?"

His father stared at him. "No, you monstrous idiot. What we are saying is that we do not recognize you as our son anymore. You are nothing but a stranger to us. Someone we highly hope to never seen again." He cleared his throat, looking at Mukahi's shocked face.

Mukahi felt as if a knife of ice had stabbed his heart. He felt like he was suffocating; his breathing quickened in pace. But he managed to keep a straight face all the while.

He continued. "You are nothing but a failure, and we do not need you as our son. You are not needed. We do not need a crippled idiot as our heir!"

Mukahi glared. "Fine! If you really hate me that much, why don't you just leave then? I don't need you people as my parents! I have friends! I-" He began to have a coughing fit.

His mother stood up and began to run over to him, but his father held her back. He stood up. "Good riddance, then, Gakuto-san. We shall not be seeing you anymore." Both of them exited the room, his father slamming the door behind him.

Mukahi stopped coughing and glared at the door. "Monstrous idiot, am I?" he rasped.

_You are nothing but a failure._

_We do not recognize you as our son anymore._

_You are nothing but a stranger to us._

_You are not needed._

_We do not need a crippled idiot as our heir!_

Mukahi was surprised to find that he was crying again. "Damn," he muttered. "That's the third time this month!"

He looked up at the ceiling. "Am I really nothing but a failure?" he whispered.

All he got back as a answer was the wind blowing outside his window...

* * *

**Welp, that was long.**

**I tried to add more description, so...what do you think?**

**Is there too little angst? Is anyone too out of character? Yeah...**

**This is probably about the longest I can do. I was literally killing myself trying to make this chapter longer.**

**Please review!**


	3. A Shocking Scenario

**Yup. Humoristic Angst. You didn't think there'd be such a thing, right?**

**I'm doing a horrible job of it right now. It's mostly angst with VERY little humor. Ahh...whatever.**

**If I don't get at least five reviews for this chapter I will NEVER update. EVER.**

**Five isn't that hard, right?**

* * *

"Ore-sama demands to know why you think Gakuto is acting strangely!" Atobe demanded. He, Oshitari, Kabaji, and Shishido were all standing outside Mukahi's room. The doctor had told them to come immediately because he thought something might have gone wrong. 

Now he had a worried expression on his face. "After his parents left last night Mukahi-san hasn't been acting like himself. Whenever I try to talk to him he just keeps on staring at the ceiling. I'm afraid his parents must have gotten into an agrument with him."

Atobe pushed the doctor out of the way and entered the room, with Oshitari and Shishido following close behind.

The image they saw was not what they had expected at all.

They found Mukahi lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. But that wasn't what worried them. It was his eyes. His eyes, which looked lifeless, as if someone had sucked out his soul and left the body there to rot. His eyes, which had taken on a dull, lifeless gray. His eyes, which indicated only one thing.

He had stopped caring. He had stopped wanting to live.

It was a thing they all assumed. There really was no other explanation for his odd behavior. It was a scary thing, to see a once happy and bright person become lifeless in a blink of an eye. Especially if the person was Mukahi. They thought that _nothing_ could stop him from being the most hyperactive annoying kid around.

They were wrong.

It was Atobe who spoke up first. "Ore-sama demands that you explain to him what is going on!"

Mukahi just looked at him with the same lifeless eyes.

"Dude, if this is like, a joke or something, you really have to stop," Shishido said.

Nothing.

Just then Ohtori came running into the room. "The doctor told me that something was wrong and..." He trailed off, seeing the state Mukahi was in. "Mukahi-senpai?"

Nothing.

"Mukahi-senpai?"

Nothing.

"Mukahi...senpai?"

Nothing.

Everyone was stunned to silence. Even Kabaji had a worried look on his face.

They said nothing.

Five minutes passed...

Ten minutes...

Fifteen...

They knew they had to say something. They knew they had to help. The problem was, they just didn't know exactly how to.

They all stood there. Just staring at Mukahi. All the while he stared back. With the same lifeless eyes.

Shishido broke the silence. "Uh...we're standing here. Doing nothing."

"You're stating the obvious," Oshitari said.

"Well no freaking duhh!"

"Ore-sama demands that you shut up while I think!" Atobe barked out.

"Well? Have you come up with anything in say...oh...I don't know...the past fifteen minutes?"

Atobe hesitated. "No."

"Exactly! I propose we sneak him out of the hospital and take him to like, the tennis courts or something."

"Um, Shishido-san, I don't think that would work," Ohtori said.

"That is the most brilliant plan Ore-sama has ever heard!" Atobe exclaimed.

They all froze when they heard laughter coming from Mukahi's bed.

"Tennis courts? _Tennis courts?! _Have you completely lost your mind?" Mukahi's once lifeless eyes were replaced with an insane look. "What would _I_ do on a tennis court? I can't walk! I'm _nothing_! I'm a _failure_! Can't you people get that into your thick skulls?!"

Oshitari reached out. "Gakuto-"

"Don't touch me!" Mukahi barked out. "Don't you dare ever touch me! My stupidity and failureness might be contagious! You wouldn't want your brain to be vandalized by my stupidity, now would you?"

Shishido glared. "You are NOT stupid!"

"Yes I am! I'm a failure! I'm a crippled idiot who's _nothing_! Everyone knows that!" Mukahi was now kneeling on his bed, his insane look now mixed with anger.

"Mukahi-senpai-"

Mukahi suddenly had a knife that came out of nowhere. He swung it around wildly. "Don't come near me! Don't touch me!" He began laughing again. "I wonder what death feels like. If I'm nothing here, what will happen when I'm on the other side?" He admired the look of shock on everyone's faces. "Although, I have wondered, what is on the other side? Only dead people would know, but they don't tell the living, now do they?"

"Ore-sama demands you stop this silliness right now!"

Mukahi raised his eyebrows and began laughing again. "Oh? You're telling someone who is absolutely _nothing_ to stop? You're demanding me to stop when I'm obviously nothing?"

"I've told you a billion times! You're not stupid, and you're not a failure! And you are NOT nothing!!"

"Ore-sama demands you to stop!"

Mukahi smirked and pointed the knife directly to his chest. "Make me."

Atobe glared. "You asked for it. Kabaji!"

"Usu." Kabaji walked over to Mukahi in a flash and wrestled the knife away from his hands.

Mukahi glared. "Give that back!"

Kabaji refused to move.

"I'll sue you for taking my property! I paid for that!"

Shishido rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and your parents will sue us for letting you kill yourself. So, either way, we're being sued."

"_I'M NOT THEIR SON ANYMORE!" _Mukahi shrieked. _"READ THE NEWSPAPERS IDIOTS!!" _He chucked a newspaper at Oshitari. _"IT'S IN THE NEWS!!"_

Shishido and Oshitari began reading. "Today, the owners of Mukahi Corp. have announced to the public that Mukahi Gakuto, age 14, will not be considered as their son anymore. They refuse to say anything on the reason why. There are a few people that suspect it has something to do with the accident that happened two weeks ago..." They looked up, eyes wide with shock.

Mukahi laughed again. "You see? I'm not needed anymore! I'm stupid and a freak! A failure!"

"Um, Mukahi-senpai, I don't think you're a failure," Ohtori said.

Mukahi shook his head. "_Lies! Lies! You're all liars!!!"_ he screamed.

"Gakuto, just because you're stupid doesn't mean you're a failure," Oshitari said.

Mukahi froze. "Liar," he whispered.

"I'm not lying. Just because you're stupid doesn't mean you're unlikeable. It doesn't mean you're nothing or a failure. People just assume that because they think they can't do anything. They think you have to be smart or have to have natural talent to be worthy of living."

"Isn't that how it is?"

Shishido shook his head. "Dude, it's because you're _stupid_ that we hang around with you everyday. If you weren't stupid and hyperactively annoying we wouldn't be hanging out with you because we'd think you were boring."

"But...but...my parents don't want me anymore. They say I'm a idiotic failure." The insane look in Mukahi's eyes had gone. There was only confusion.

"Just because they think you're a failure doesn't mean Ore-sama thinks you're a failure. Or anyone else. Ore-sama thinks your parents are bitches for being stupidly idiotic and throwing away their own son. Who, by the way, is NOT a failure." Atobe said.

Mukahi pointed an accusing finger at him. "You just said a bad word!"

Jirou suddenly jumped up. "I know! Muka-kun can become a comedian one day when he's older! That way, everyone likes him!"

Everyone stared. "Where did you come from?" Mukahi asked.

"I came in just as you were screaming about reading the newspapers. It was scary! You looked like you just went insane!!" Jirou exclaimed.

Mukahi fell silent. He began hugging his pillow.

"I think Gakuto's okay now," Oshitari said. Bending down to Mukahi's eye level he examined him. "Hm. Happiness level has reached to 85 percent. Insanity level has gone down to 15 percent. Depression level has gone down to 40 percent. Stupidity level has stayed the same. Hopefully."

Mukahi glared. "So? What's my stupidity level?"

"60 percent."

Shishido cocked his head to one side. "Really? I thought it was more around 62.5 percent. Whatever." He pointed at Mukahi. "Anyways! You seriously need to stop scaring us like that! Next time you do the whole knife thing you're going to give us all heart attacks! Then we'll sue you for killing us! I don't think anyone's gotten over that yet!"

Mukahi's only answer was to hide under his sheets.

Jirou had a worried look on his face. "Muka-kun? Are you okay?"

A muffled "Yeah" was his reply.

"...Then why are you hiding?"

"There's an evil llama outside my window."

"Gakuto, you're on the fifth floor," Oshitari said.

"Shut up."

"Are you crying?" Shishido asked.

"...No."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Sleeping."

"Right. And talking at the same time. I can totally believe that."

"Shut up!"

"Ore-sama demands to know what you are doing!"

"Sleeping." Mukahi sniffled.

"Mukahi-senpai?" This from Ohtori.

"Yeah?"

"There's an evil llama outside your window and it's glaring at us."

Mukahi abruptly threw the covers aside and looked around. "WHERE?!"

Shishido pointed an accusing finger at Mukahi. "Aha! So you were crying!"

Mukahi glared and wiped away the tear tracks. "No I wasn't."

"Then what about the moisture on your face that suddenly popped out of nowhere, ahh?" Atobe asked.

"Must've been the rain."

"Gakuto, we're inside," Oshitari reminded.

"The roof must've been leaking."

"There's a room above you. This hospital has eleven floors and you're only on the fifth one."

"Shut up. You aren't helping."

"I want to mention one more thing," Shishido said.

Mukahi looked up. "What?"

"Failureness isn't a word."

Mukahi glared. "Well, when I've gone over to the brink of insanity, I don't think my correctness of words really matter."

"Correctness isn't a word."

"Shut up! Or else I really will kill myself next time! For absolutely no reason!"

The room fell silent.

"...I guess..I wasn't supposed to say that so soon, eh?"

"You will NOT kill yourself because if you try to WE will tie you up to your bed! Note that I said TRY! So that means you will NOT kill yourself!" Shishido glared.

"You know, I've been noticing that we've done alot of glaring today."

"Gee, did you just notice?"

"No. I noticed when my eyes started hurting from all the glaring I did."

"...Oh."

"Yeah. My eyes are probably going to hurt even more when I start glaring at my parents. IF they come back. Which they probably won't."

The doctor suddenly came into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but I heard some shouting and I was getting worried and..." He trailed off when he saw Kabaji standing there holding a knife. "Young man, what are you doing with that knife?" The doctor asked in a stern voice.

"Usu."

"..."

"He was taking it away from Muka-kun!" Jirou piped up.

The doctor had an alarmed look on his face and he whirled around to face Jirou. "Mukahi-san had a knife with him?"

"Actually, it's my fault. I brought him cake and he _insisted_ on cutting it by himself," Oshitari answered, holding up a bag.

The doctor looked startled. "Oh, it if was cake...I mean...I just didn't know...Well, I'll leave you all alone." The doctor scurried out of the room.

"Yuushi, did you really bring me cake?" Mukahi asked.

"...Yes. It kind of got crushed with the whole craziness that's happened, but I think it's okay."

"Yay!! Cake!!"

Atobe glared at Oshitari pointedly. "You told Ore-sama that the doctor wouldn't allow it!"

"The doctor gave me permission today."

"...Ore-sama shall bring him food."

"Don't." Shishido said.

"..."

"Just...don't."

"..."

* * *

**Haha. Cracky angst.**

**Please review!**


	4. A Birthday Gone Wrong

**Cracky Angst...Short for Humoristic Angst.**

**It's a weird combination, I'll admit. But, it works...doesn't it?**

**I am sooo happy I got seven reviews for the last chapter! I couldn't believe the number...Yay! That means people love reading my cracky angst fic! Wootness! xD**

**I don't know why...but somehow whenever I play this story over in my head from beginning to end...I'm tempted to make it into a yaoi story...Hmmm...**

**I've written more than 20 stories. HOLY BLEEPING CRAP!!**

**Yeah...I'll stop babbling...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Today's my birthday?" Mukahi asked, his eyes wide. "Oh...I guess I forgot." 

"..."

The regulars from Hyotei were all sitting around Mukahi's bed. This time, however, Mukahi had been transferred to another room on the sixth floor because Atobe was complaining that his old room was too green. The walls had been replaced with a white color, and there was actually a TV hanging from the wall. Below the TV there were several chairs neatly aligned in a circle around a table. Next to Mukahi's bed there was a nightstand, with a vase of flowers sitting on it. Somehow, his room seemed more welcoming with the new furniture.

Currently, Mukahi watched in confusion as he saw that everyone was holding something in their hands. Well, almost everyone. Atobe was standing next to a VERY large package that he and Kabaji brought. Mukahi wondered what was inside it.

"Yes, Gakuto. It's your birthday. Did you really forget?" Oshitari had a amused look on his face.

"Well, yeah. I kind of forgot I had a birthday with all the chaos that's been happening," Mukahi replied.

"Well, then, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Jirou exclaimed, jumping around.

"Thanks..."

"Ore-sama demands to know why you aren't hyper today!" Atobe said.

"Well...I dunno. Usually whenever my birthday comes around my parents just throw random presents at me, say a happy birthday, and then walk out. This is just...a bit different, actually."

"What about at school?" Shishido asked.

"That's different. When I'm at school I don't have seven people crowded around my hospital bed saying happy birthday and giving me presents and all that."

"Huh. Guess that makes sense."

"Muka-kun! Open my present first!" Jirou leaned over and practically shoved the box into Mukahi's hands.

Mukahi slowly tore open the package. He stared. "What's this?" he asked, holding it up.

"It's a snow globe!" Jirou exclaimed. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Yeah. But I don't get why it's called a snow globe. It's not snowing," Mukahi said, examining the ornament in his hands.

"You shake it," Atobe said. "Then it looks like it's snowing inside."

Mukahi shook the snow globe. "Cool! It's snowing! But...why's there a fat man next to a pointy tree?"

"..." Everyone stared.

"I dunno. Maybe it's because the fat man's Santa Claus and he's next to a Christmas tree?" Shishido said sarcastically.

"Who's Santa Claus?"

"..."

"Muka-kun, you don't know who Santa Claus is?" Jirou asked, eyes wide. "Didn't your parents ever tell you?"

"Well...I remember when we were in school my teacher always called this fat man Santa Claus and he said that he gave kids presents. Something about Christmas."

"So you don't even know what Christmas is?" Hiyoshi asked.

"Of course I do!" Mukahi said. "Whatever. You can tell me about the fat guy later. But I like it. The snow looks almost real."

"Yay! Muka-kun likes my present!" Jirou jumped around the room.

"Mukahi-senpai, you can open my present next." Ohtori handed over a slightly bulky package to Mukahi. "Actually, it was from me and Shishido-san. We both paid for it, but he said he'd also give you something else.

Mukahi opened it and gasped. "Cool! It's a digital camera! I always wanted one of these!"

"Gakuto, you could've just bought one yourself," Oshitari said.

"Well, yeah. But my parents always said that I didn't need one because I wouldn't take pictures with it. But it's cool!" Mukahi was pressing random buttons on the camera.

"SUGEE! YOU CAN SEE THE PARKING LOT FROM HERE!" Jirou shouted, looking out the window.

"..."

Shishido shook his head. "Anyways..." He handed the slim package over to Mukahi.

"I'm betting that all you got him was homework," Oshitari said.

Mukahi rolled his eyes and opened the package. He stared. "I don't want to know about hyperbolas and parabolas! I already know what a hyperbola is anyways!"

"Be thankful I actually gave you a workbook," Shishido said. "You need it."

"Right. I can tell you right now that a hyperbola is an english term for an over-exaggeration thingy."

"...That's a hyperbole."

"Oh. Right. But why a workbook?" Mukahi was whining.

Atobe smirked. "Gakuto, stop whining, or else I'll take you off the regulars."

"HEY! THAT'S ABUSING CAPTAIN PRIVILEGES!"

"Ore-sama does not abuse captain privileges!"

There was a round of coughing at this exclamation.

"Ore-sama does NOT abuse captain privileges!"

Silence...

"Hiyoshi! Ore-sama demands that you give Gakuto your present right NOW!"

"..." Hiyoshi wordlessly gave Mukahi his present.

Mukahi opened it. "I LOVE THIS BOOK! I'VE BEEN WANTING TO READ IT FOREVER!"

The regulars crowded around to see what book he was talking about.

"Gakuto, you wanted to read Phantom of the Opera?" Oshitari asked.

"Yep!"

"..."

"It's the bestest book in the whole world and YAYYY!!! WEEE!!"

"..."

"Mukahi-senpai's finally gone insane. Now I can gekokujou him," Hiyoshi muttered.

"You know, you were the one who gave him that book," Shishido remarked.

"..." Hiyoshi walked away, sat on one of the chairs and took out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

"I guess he's taken a liking to books..." Ohtori said uncertainly.

"You!" Atobe pointed at Oshitari. "Give him your present!"

Mukahi took one look at the package in Oshitari's hands. "Nah. I already know what it is."

Oshitari had a surprised look on his face. "Really? What do you think it is?"

"It's that CD you were rambling on about. Something about tree bark...can't remember the name. Really old guy."

"It's Bach, not tree bark. And yes, it's a CD. You should really listen to it sometime. Helps calm people down when they're high off sugar." Oshitari placed the CD next to the other stacks of presents sitting on the nightstand.

Shishido suddenly stood up and pointed a accusing finger at Mukahi. "YOU KNOW HOW TO READ MINDS!" he shouted.

"..." Everyone sweatdropped.

"Kabaji."

"Usu." Kabaji handed over a shoebox to Mukahi.

Mukahi stared. "Um, if it's shoes, I don't think I'll need them." He opened the lid. His eyes went wide. "It's a...it's a..."

Atobe smirked. "Kabaji chose it."

"SUGEE!!" Jirou shouted. "IT'S A KITTY!"

"It's so CUTE!" Mukahi squealed, picking up the kitty. "Awww...Yuushi! Look! It has eyes!"

"Gakuto, I think all animals have eyes," Oshitari said.

"But look! It's so cute!!"

"..."

"It's multicolored!"

"Yeah, I think about half the population of cats are multicolored," said Shishido, rolling his eyes.

The kitten looked at Shishido suspiciously with his brown eyes.

"And I think it's planning on murdering me."

"Open Ore-sama's present NOW!"

"For your information, I can't hobble over there on my crippled feet and try to open it you know," Mukahi said, staring at the lifesize package that Atobe had brought in.

"Kabaji!"

"Usu." Without a word Kabaji began tearing off the bubble wrap."

"..." Everyone stared. Atobe smiled.

"Atobe...why in the hell would I want a life-size statue of you wearing your tennis uniform?" Mukahi asked, clearly freaked out.

"Ore-sama is surprised that you do not accept this gift!" Atobe looked shocked. "Why wouldn't anyone want a life-size sculpture of Ore-sama?"

"Uh, I dunno. Maybe it's because you're already in my life like, 24/7 and I don't think I need to see a sculpture of you. Which, by the way, doesn't move."

"Ore-sama is shocked!"

The door opened with a bang. "Gakuto!" his father shouted, coming into the room. Hiyoshi looked up in alarm and immediately stood up.

Mukahi looked surprised. "What, you aren't calling me 'Gakuto-san' this time?"

"I demand you come home at once!"

"Uh...I hate to break it to you...but you disowned me," Mukahi said.

"Ore-sama demands why you are here in the first place!" Atobe said, glaring at Mukahi's father. "Why are you demanding him to come home in the first place?"

"There's been a change of plans," his father said crisply. "Now, Gakuto, I expect that you'll get ready in about five minutes. We're leaving immediately."

"Leaving? Where?" Mukahi looked alarmed.

"For Italy. We're going to stay there for a year. Or more, depending. We need you to get ready. Quickly."

"OI! Hold on! First your disown him, and then you demand him to come with you to Italy?" Shishido looked bewildered, and angry. "What kind of parent are you?"

"I expect that you do not butt in to family affairs," Mukahi's father said. "Please."

The doctor came running in. "You disowned him! You can't just kidnap him from our hospital!"

"Excuse me? Kidnap?" Mukahi's father gave a small laugh. "There's no such thing as kidnapping our own son. Please get him his wheelchair. We don't have much time before the plane leaves."

The doctor hesitated before scurrying out of the room.

Mukahi was glaring. "I am NOT moving to Italy just because you tell me to! I refuse to move from this bed! You'll have to remove me by force!"

His father gave another small laugh. "Excuse me? I am your father. You have to listen to me."

Shishido glared. "Nuh uh! You disowned him, remember? You can't take him by force!"

"Gakuto has been disowned by you," Oshitari said calmly. "It's in the news."

"I haven't actually given up custody over him yet," his father said. "He has to listen to me until he comes of age. He's still in middle school."

"Muka-kun is SOO not going with you!" Jirou said, eyes wide. "He's a father now! He's has a kitty! You can't take him by force!!"

The doctor came back with Mukahi's wheelchair. "Really, if he doesn't want to go you can't exactly force him to."

"Gakuto! Do I really need to tell you twice? Either get in the wheelchair or I'll take you by force."

Mukahi just kept glaring.

"Very well then." Two men in black suits came forward and grabbed Mukahi's arms.

"LEMME GO! LEMME GO!!" Mukahi was shouting.

"Mukahi-senpai!" Ohtori looked bewildered.

"OI! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Shishido lunged forward. Atobe pulled him back and shook his head.

"He's right," Oshitari said.

"WHAT D'YA MEAN HE'S RIGHT?!" Shishido yelled.

"As long as he has custody over Gakuto, he has control over him until he's eighteen."

"I'M SUING YOU FOR CHILD ABUSE AND ABUSING YOUR RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES AS A PARENT!" Mukahi shouted, still struggling. The men had managed to get Mukahi into the wheelchair and was trying to take him out of the room.

"YUUSHI! TAKE CARE OF THE KITTEN WHILE I'M AWAY!" Mukahi yelled as he was taken out of the room and out of sight.

Shishido glared at Atobe. "We could've stopped him!"

Atobe just shook his head. "Ore-sama cannot go against his father."

"What? So you have another plan?!"

Atobe and Oshitari nodded.

"...So...what's the plan?"

Hiyoshi picked up his book, which had fallen onto the floor. "Probably has something to do with Harry Potter," he mumbled.

"...Okay..."

* * *

**Cliffhanger...hahahaha.**

**I wasn't too sure about the whole custody thing. Bleh. Let's just PRETEND the law changed. Randomly for no reason whatsoever.**

**Please review!**


	5. The Rescue Mission

**Oh dear...more angst for poor Mukahi...**

**With crack. Seriously, I'm thinking crack and angst shouldn't be mixed with each other.**

**Whatever. I shall make this...cracky...angst.**

**Ha...ha...ha...**

**Enjoy! Because I'm writing this while being high off grape juice. Ugh.**

* * *

Mukahi was pounding on the airplane window. "LEMME OUTTT!!!" 

His father looked up from his book, looking very annoyed. "Gakuto, please. Settle down. We're in an airplane, we can't let you out of here."

Mukahi glared at his father for the hundreth time. "Excuse me for being upset because you disowned me! And forced me to go to Italy! Why are we sitting in first class? I thought we'd be taking buisness class or something." He looked around.

The airplane had an uneasy but roomy feel to it. The seats were wide and were a purple color. On the back of each seat was a mini-screen where people usually watched movies or played video games. The seats, Mukahi had to admit, were comfortable.

What made Mukahi uneasy was the fact that barely anyone was sitting near them. "Why aren't there any more people over here?" he asked.

"Most people take buisness class or economy class, son," his father replied.

"Don't you dare call me son! You disowned me, remember?!"

"Please don't argue with me. Stay put."

"I'LL JUMP OFF THE PLANE!"

"Yes, and die because of the lack of air. If you're lucky, you'll die because you landed in the ocean."

Mukahi crossed his arms and pouted. He wanted to be with his friends, not getting stuck on an airplane going to Italy. Which, by the way, was NOT what he wanted at all...

_Atobe's House._

"You're going to WHAT?!" Shishido asked.

"Ore-sama has explained it to you. We are going to kill Gakuto," Atobe said calmly.

"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM?!"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say kill," Oshitari said.

"Muka-kun doesn't have to be killed! Right?!" Jirou looked bewildered.

The Hyotei regulars were all seated on three sofas, all surronding a wide, oak table. Atobe's servants had put out drinks for everyone, but no one was looking at the glasses. All eyes were fixed on Atobe and Oshitari.

"Ore-sama hasn't finished explaining yet. Gakuto will _pretend_ he's been killed."

"So you're going to make him fake his death?" Shishido asked. "Isn't that like, stupid? I mean, where's he going to go? He's not going to say 'Hi, I'm Mukahi Gakuto. I just died. Let me go back to Japan' or something, right?"

"We'll fake his identity," Oshitari explained. "All we really have to do is put a mini notebook in the breastpocket of Gakuto's pajamas, color his shirt with red dye, and stab a knife through the book. Gakuto just has to lie on the floor pretending he's dead."

"Then how do we know where they are?" Ohtori asked.

"We put a GPS tracking device on Jirou's snowglobe. And Hiyoshi's book, just in case something happens with the snow globe," Atobe said.

"So this _is_ a bit like Harry Potter," Hiyoshi said.

"...How is this like Harry Potter?" Shishido asked.

"Well, Lord Voldemort pretended he was dead for like what? Eleven years? And then he came back, right?"

"Yeah, but unlike Lord Voldyhair-"

"Voldemort," Hiyoshi interrupted.

"Whatever! Unlike _Voldemort_ he's not going to come back saying he's alive, right?"

"Yeah..."

Atobe clapped his hands. "Alright! Mission M.G shall now begin!"

Everyone looked at him in confusion. "M.G?" Ohtori asked.

Atobe rolled his eyes. "Stands for Mukahi Gakuto!"

"Oh..."

Oshitari's cellphone began ringing. He looked at the screen. "Gakuto just sent me a text message."

"What? From 12,000 feet up in the air? Isn't he supposed to turn off his cellphone while the airplane's in motion?" Shishido looked amused.

"It says...Hi Yuushi. Tell everyone I said hi for them. I'm just sending this to you because I'm bored. Italy sounds boring. I want to go back to Japan. Don't worry, just telling everyone that I'm alive. Don't worry, I'm turning my phone off after I send this to you. I know about the whole airplane law thing. Bye!"

"Okay...so we know he's not dead, right?"

"..."

"We leave for the airport in two hours," Atobe said. "Start packing. Meet me back here at 7."

_Italy- One day later_

"Why the HELL am I being locked up in here?" Mukahi demanded, glaring at his father who was standing in front of the doorway.

"Son, it's for your own safety. My servants will bring you something to eat. Just stay put."

"That's what you said last time!"

Without a word his father closed the door. And locked it.

Mukahi grumbled and turned his wheelchair around. He took a look around the room. It was a simple room, actually, with a sofa in one corner. A king sized bed was placed directly below a giant window, which looked out to the garden. A dressing table was placed across from the bed.

Mukahi looked out the window. He could see that there was a tree right next to it. _Maybe I could sneak out...Darn it! I can't climb down!_

He took out his cellphone and began punching in a text message...

_Italy- At the airport..._

Oshitari took out his cellphone. He read aloud. "Yuushi. I'm bored. I'm being locked up in my room. This is stupid. I want to go home."

Shishido shook his head. "Can't we tell him we're at Italy right now?"

"Ore-sama has told you. Gakuto might tell his father we're here by accident."

"He's not that stupid, right?"

"..."

"Okay, maybe he is! But then how are we supposed to let him know we're trying to save him?"

"...We're the ones sneaking into his room. I think he'll know by then."

"Oh."

"SUGEE! EVERYTHING'S IN ITALIAN!"

"We're in Italy. Everything's supposed to be in Italian," Hiyoshi said.

"BUT IT'S SOOO COOL!"

"..."

"Alright! Mission M.G. will start now!"

_At Mukahi's House...Three Hours Later._

"Alright. Has Ore-sama been clear enough?" Atobe asked.

The Hyotei regulars were all huddled around behind bushes. Ohtori was fiddling with his fake moustache, while Hiyoshi was wincing at the fact that he had to wear a wig. Atobe and Oshitari were wearing black suits, which Shishido said was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen. Kabaji was wearing his regular tennis uniform, because they'd figured that no one really paid attention to him that much anyway. Shishido was wearing a cowboy suit, which seriously pissed him off because he didn't know WHY the hell he had to wear it in the first place. Jirou looked the most ridiculous of them all, wearing a clown suit.

It had been a bit difficult to get inside the property, seeing as that there was a gigantic black fence surrounding the whole place. Mukahi's father had obviously not been smart enough and had assumed that no one would try to sneak in from the back. So, the Hyotei regulars had to climb the fence, which was about twelve feet high. All went well, except for the fact that Jirou had accidentally fallen on Hiyoshi when he lost his grip. Now they were listening to Atobe's plan.

Shishido obviously did not like it. "So, wait. Hiyoshi, Jirou, and Choutarou have to walk up the front door and pretend they're selling magazines? How's that going to work?"

"Rich people always buy magazines."

"Right. How about the big gate that's blocking their way?"

"They show them the magazines they're holding. They'll automatically open the gates for them."

"How's that going to work?"

"Does Gakuto's father look smart to you?"

"Well...no."

"Exactly. While they make a big scene and distract everyone, we climb the tree that leads directly to Gakuto's window. They we break in."

"...Okay. That's the most messed up plan ever, but it just might work."

"Of course it's going to work! Do you not trust Ore-sama with his smartness?"

"Atobe, smartness isn't a word," Oshitari said.

"SUGEE! THERE'S A TREE RIGHT NEXT TO MUKA-KUN'S WINDOW!"

The regulars winced. "Jirou!" Atobe hissed. "You're not supposed to make any noise!"

"...Sorry."

"So this IS a bit like Harry Potter," Hiyoshi said.

"..."

"Just ignore him. Alright! Is the plan clear to everyone?" Atobe asked.

"Yes," they all chorused together.

_At the front door._

Ohtori looked around nervously. He, Hiyoshi, and Jirou and gotten through the gates with no problem at all. Still, he was worried that someone might notice who they actually were.

"Sugee," Jirou whispered. "Their front door's really big!"

Ohtori sweatdropped a bit at this.

"This really is a bit like Harry Potter after all," Hiyoshi said.

Ohtori gulped as he pressed the doorbell.

The door opened, revealing a butler wearing a black suit.

"Um, we're here...to sell magazines!" Ohtori said.

The butler shook his head. "I'm sorry, but we aren't interested in buying magazines." He began closing the door.

"Wait!" Jirou yelled out. The butler hesitated. "This is a really really cool buisness magazine that came all the way from America!"

"I'm afraid my master is not interested in buisness magazines."

"But these are the really cool kind!"

"..."

"They have Harry Potter in them!" Hiyoshi said.

"I'm sorry, but really, we don't need any more magazines."

"They have...tennis in them!" Ohtori said. He mentally slapped himself on the forehead, realizing that a butler wouldn't be interested in buisness magazines with Harry Potter and tennis in them.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"SUGEE! IT'S A FLYING COW!" Jirou shouted, pointing behind the butler.

The butler turned around, confused, before facing them again. "I'm really sorry, but-"

"I CANNOT believe that guy died in book 7!" Hiyoshi said. "He's the coolest guy around!"

The butler had a confused expression on his face.

"Tennis rackets now are at three dollars per pound," Ohtori said randomly. He mentally slapped himself on the forehead again, knowing that the butler must've thought they were all insane.

"..."

"SUGEE! THERE'S A FLYING EVIL LLAMA EATING FLOWERS!"

The butler shook his head. "I'm sorry, but-"

"What is happening over here?" Mukahi's father suddenly appeared. "What are you doing here?"

"We're...selling magazines!" Ohtori exclaimed. "Because...tennis rackets...have wood in them!"

Mukahi's father appeared confused. Ohtori took this as a good sign to keep going. "And Harry Potter-"

"Harry Potter," Hiyoshi interrupted. "Is the coolest book around! And you can't sue it for being stupid!"

Mukahi's father had a bewildered expression on his face.

"SUGEE! THAT CHICKEN IS EATING CACTI!" Jirou shouted. "AND AND! AND THERE'S A FLYING COW TRYING TO KILL A EVIL LLAMA!"

"..."

_Outside Mukahi's Window, aka in the tree._

"Are you sure they're going to be okay?" Shishido asked. "I mean, seriously! They're selling magazines!"

"Shut up!" Atobe snapped. "I'm thinking! How do you break a window?"

"Atobe, are you seriously thinking about breaking the window? Aren't we supposed to get in without being noticed?" Oshitari asked.

"Yes!" Atobe snapped again. "Urgh! Stupid window!"

"Why don't you just ask Kabaji to punch it?" Shishido asked.

Atobe's eyes went wide. "You're brilliant! Kabaji!"

"Usu." Kabaji went over and smacked the window. To everyone's surprise, the window didn't shatter. The whole thing just fell onto the floor with a small _bang_.

"Whoever invented that thing must've been stupid," Shishido muttered, climbing into the room first. Oshitari, Atobe, and Kabaji followed close behind.

Mukahi looked up in alarm when he heard a bang. His eyes went wide when he saw that the window had been completely punched out.

His eyes went even wider when he saw Shishido climb in...wearing a cowboy suit.

"Okay. I'm bored. I must be hallucinating right now," he said, shaking his head. "Agh. Shishido will NEVER dress up in a cowboy suit."

Shishido glared. "Shut UP about the stupid cowboy suit! Atobe made me wear it. For NO reason WHATSOEVER!!"

"Gakuto," Oshitari said, climbing in next. "You're not hallucinating. He's really wearing it. And for your information we're getting you out of here."

"SUGEE! IT'S A FLYING COW!!" was heard.

Mukahi had a confused look on his face. "Was that...Jirou?"

"Ah...Ore-sama's calculations were correct. So he did talk about the flying cow."

"Right. And why did you make Shishido wear a cowboy suit?"

"He was complaining too much."

Mukahi began laughing. He pointed at Shishido. "You look ridiculous in that thing!"

Shishido rolled his eyes. "Late reaction much? Anyways, come on."

"Wait." Mukahi's eyes went wide again. "You're going to..._kidnap_ me from here?"

"No!"

"Ore-sama shall explain," Atobe said, taking out a small notebook. "You shall pretend you have died. Everyone will panic and run around then house. _Then_ we get you out of here." He proceeded to stab the notebook with a knife.

"And how is stabbing a notebook going to help?" Mukahi asked.

"You'll keep the notebook in your breastpocket," Oshitari explained. "Atobe's going to color the knife red with dye. See? He's doing it right now. Anyways, we need to put dye on your shirt too. Oh, and you need to lie down on the floor and pretend you're dead. Easy, right?"

"But what if it doesn't work?" Mukahi asked, eyes wide. "What if you guys get caught and get arrested for attempted murder or kidnapping?"

Shishido rolled his eyes again. "Dude, didn't you hear Jirou screaming about flying cows just a minute ago? Jirou, Hiyoshi, and Choutarou are trying to distract everyone. They're probably making a big scene right now. Anyways, we won't get caught. Your dad's as stupid as a tree. He didn't put ANY guards around the back, so, we're fine."

"Oh."

"Gakuto, get down on the floor and put the notebook in your pocket," Oshitari said. "I have a feeling Jirou's insanity isn't going to last much longer."

"Right..." Mukahi put the notebook in his pocket and struggled to get up, using only his arms. He glared. "A little help here?"

"Kabaji."

"Usu." Kabaji picked Mukahi up and placed him down on the floor.

Atobe handed him the knife. "Here. Stick it in the notebook. We're going to get out of your room for a while. We want you to scream once everyone's out."

"Yeah, a really girly scream. Even more girlier than when Atobe screamed last summer." Shishido snickered.

"Ore-sama was being attacked by a wild bear!"

"It was a raccoon!"

Oshitari sighed. "I don't think this is a time to be fighting yet."

"Right..." The four seniors proceeded to climb out of the window.

"Wait!" Mukahi called out.

Oshitari stuck his head in. "What?"

"Aren't you guys supposed to replace the window or something?"

"Gakuto, someone's going to stab you with a knife."

"How's that...Oh...right. They have to break in. Got it."

Oshitari climbed back out.

Mukahi opened his mouth and took a deep breath...

_Front Door_

By now, most of the household were all crowding around the door, with Mukahi's father in front.

Ohtori was beginning to panic. He couldn't think of any more random things to say. "Well, they say that gold prices have gone up to 2 billion points. I think...not sure. Or was that wheat?"

"SUGEE! IT'S A...TENNIS RACKET BENT AT WRONG ANGLES!" Jirou shouted.

"Harry Potter...you know, it's probably the most famous book in the world right now," Hiyoshi said.

Suddenly, there was a scream. A very LOUD scream.

All three of them winced a little. Jirou covered his ears.

Mukahi's father looked alarmed. "Check Gakuto's room!" he shouted. Turning to the three regulars standing in front of the door, he said, "I'm sorry. I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. Good day." he closed the door.

The three regulars began running to the back of the house.

_Outside Mukahi's Room_

Shishido was wincing. "That guy...really knows how to scream. I think my ears just popped."

"Ore-sama shall ask him how he does that," Atobe said.

"Atobe, that's useless information," Oshitari said. "It's not going to make you more popular."

"Rather, it's probably going to make him the most unpopular guy around," Shishido said.

Atobe looked up and saw Jirou, Hiyoshi, and Ohtori running straight at them. When they came within earshot he asked "Did it work?"

Jirou nodded. "We were running out of things to say, and then we heard a REALLY loud scream. Then his dad closed the door. I didn't know Muka-kun could yell so loudly! And I didn't know Hiyoshi was a Harry Potter fan!"

"Harry Potter rules," Hiyoshi said.

Atobe suddenly shushed them. "They're coming," he muttered.

Sure enough, they heard Mukahi's door opening and gasps of surprise. Seconds later, they could hear his father calling out. "Son? Son?! What happened to him?!" He started yelling. "Wasn't there security?! Didn't anyone notice?! Someone call for help!"

The butler tried to calm the man down. "Sir, I think the murderer must have come through the window."

The man stormed out of the room. The butler and servants scurried out, closing the door.

Mukahi opened one eye and saw that the room was empty. He sat up. "Okay. Now what?"

He saw Kabaji climbing in through the window. In a flash he took Mukahi and proceeded to carry him out. Seconds later he had gotten through.

"SUGEE! MUKA-KUN'S ALIVE!" Jirou exclaimed.

The regulars shushed him.

"Ore-sama has called for his limo. Do you have everything?"

Mukahi nodded. "Didn't really take anything out of my bag, really. I kind of just left it there on my wheelchair. All I did was just stare at the wall for three hours. I almost died of boredom."

"Then we shall get out of here!"

"Wait!" Shishido looked around. "How are we supposed to get him AND his wheelchair over a twelve foot fence?"

Atobe smirked. "We won't take his wheelchair. Ore-sama has another one back at the hotel."

"Oh."

"Whoa..." Mukahi said as everyone had climbed down the tree. "I feel like I'm on like...a mountain or something. Everything seems so short."

"..." Without another word the regulars climbed over the fence and got into the limo that was waiting for them.

* * *

**This was really long...haha.**

**Yeah, I know some of this doesn't really make sense, like the fact that everyone in the house left him there alone in his room and stuff. That'll all be explained on the next chapter.**

**Please review! xD**


	6. The Rialto Bridge

**I'm running out of steam for this...**

**I know, I'm a horrible writer but frick, at least I've tried.**

**Humoristic Angst**

**I'll stop drabbling.**

**

* * *

**

"So?" Shishido demanded. "What's so important that you have all of us crowding around here?"

The Hyotei regulars were all in Atobe's hotel room. After they had come back from the rescue mission, Oshitari asked them all to meet in Atobe's room. Now all eyes were on Oshitari.

"There's something wrong," Oshitari said calmly.

"With what? Didn't we get him out? Isn't it over?"

"There's something not quite right. When they found Gakuto lying on the floor with a knife in his chest, they didn't stand over there in shock. All Gakuto's father did was tell them to call an ambulance. Then he stormed out of the room."

"So? Isn't that like, normal? His father hates him!"

Atobe shook his head. "Ore-sama has been wondering the same thing. Why would the room be left empty? Shouldn't there be a servant staying over there in case anything happens?"

Shishido fell silent at this. Then he spoke up again. "Maybe they were all just panicking too much and forgot him there."

"But still, the reaction rate is strange. They didn't stand there in shock. They just...kind of went on with life," Hiyoshi said. "I mean, in new Harry Potter book when F-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Shishido interrupted. "Don't need to tell us who died in book seven you know. I haven't read it yet."

Mukahi stared at Shishido with an incredulous look. "You haven't read it yet? It's been out for like, what? Two weeks? Jeez! You suck!"

"It's not like I have all the time in the world to read every single book you know," Shishido retorted.

"Maybe...they knew we were going to take Mukahi-senpai," Ohtori said uncertainly.

Oshitari shook his head. "Gakuto's father isn't that smart. Remember? He didn't put any guards in the back."

Mukahi looked up in surprise. "He didn't put any guards in the back? But he usually does, you know."

"But Muka-kun, didn't you know! How did you think we climbed up that fence like that?" Jirou had a confused look on his face.

"Dunno. Maybe you scared them away with all your talkings about flying cows and tennis rackets being made out of wood." Mukahi shrugged, then froze. "Shoot!"

Shishido looked alarmed. "What?"

"Wait, how did you guys find me?" Mukahi's eyes were wide now.

"Ore-sama had a GPS tracking device put on your snow globe," Atobe stated.

"You know, he probably knows by now that you have access to GPS tracking thingies, right?"

Oshitari stared. "So you mean that your father didn't put any guards in the back on purpose? That he _wanted_ us to kidnap you?"

"He's probably going to call the police on you or something! For kidnapping! I mean, he knows that Atobe has access to high tech crap, right?" Mukahi shook his head. "Argh!"

"So he planned this all along. He knew we'd come after you so he didn't put any guards at all at the back. So he's trying to make the police arrest us? But why would he want to arrest us?"

"Dunno. Guess he was planning on locking me up for life or something. THAT'S IT!" Mukahi was glaring at the table. "I'M SUING HIM FOR CHILD ABUSE!!"

"SUGEE! MUKA-KUN CAN SUE HIM FOR CHILD ABUSE!" Jirou exclaimed. "SUGEE!!"

"..."

"Wait." Atobe stood up. "How does he know if we're even here? How does he know it was us that kidnapped Gakuto? It could've been anybody."

Shishido shook his head. "That's it. We're being totally paranoid. If we keep this up we'll go insane."

"But being paranoid doesn't always mean you're insane," Hiyoshi pointed out. "In Harry Pott-"

"You can shut up about Harry Potter now!" Shishido snapped. "I'd like to have the chance to actually read the book before I know who's died or not!"

"..."

Mukahi began yawning. "Whatever. I'm going back to my room. Call me if you need anything." With that said Mukahi wheeled himself out of the room.

"Ore-sama thinks that everyone should sleep now. We'll talk about things tomorrow." Atobe stood up and beckoned everyone to leave...

_Midnight..._

Mukahi woke up with a start_. Meh_, he thought_. Must've just been a bad dream_.

**BANG!**

Mukahi suddenly sat up. "OI! Shishido, if that's you, keep it down! There's people trying to slee-" His eyes widened as a towel was clamped tightly onto his face.

His muffled screams were never heard as he slipped into a dreamless sleep...

_Outside Mukahi's Hotel Room_

"OI!" Shishido was banging on Mukahi's door. "Open up! Are you in there?!"

Oshitari came out of his room. "What's going on?"

"He's not freaking answering the door! He should've woken up by now!"

"Why do you want him to wake up?"

_"I _didn't wake up him! He woke me up!"

"Well, he does have some problems with walking, you know." Oshitari gave a slight smirk. "It's probably going to take him a while to actually get the door."

"That's not the problem! He isn't making any noise!" Shishido was pressing his ear against the door now. "He isn't even calling out!"

Atobe suddenly stalked out of his room. "Ore-sama would appreciate it if you all keep quiet!"

Shishido glared. "Well Gakuto isn't answering! Tell Kabaji to break the door down or something!"

"This is a bit like Harry Potter," Hiyoshi said, suddenly coming up from behind.

"SHUT UP ABOUT HARRY POTTER!"

"SUGEE! EVERYONE'S CROWDED AROUND MUKA-KUN'S ROOM!" Jirou exclaimed.

"...There's nothing to be surprised about that," Shishido said.

Atobe had come back, this time with Kabaji. "Kabaji."

"Usu." Kabaji went over and body slammed the door. The door flew open.

All they saw was a empty bed. And a shattered window.

The regulars fell silent for a few seconds. Atobe suddenly scurried out of the room. He came back, with a cellphone in his hand. He sighed in relief. "At least he had sense to keep the book with him."

Shishido stared. "What book?"

"Phantom of the Opera. Probably was holding onto it. Ore-sama knows where Gakuto is."

"Where?"

Atobe's had a confused look on his face. "They're heading for the Rialto bridge."

"Why a bridge?!"

Atobe shook his head, indicating he didn't know.

"So this is a bit like Harry Potter," Hiyoshi said.

Shishido twitched. "Not...going to comment."

_Rialto Bridge_

Mukahi slowly opened his eyes and groaned. His head was hurting like hell, and his bed felt like concrete. No, more like an ice cube. He tried to sit up, but realized that his hands were tied behind his back. "Ugh. Where am I?" he grumbled.

"Glad to see you've come around," a voice rumbled.

Mukahi turned his head in alarm. "What...the...what are you doing here?"

"Why, I followed you, of course!" His father smiled. "Didn't want my precious son to be taken away from me, now would I?"

Mukahi glared. "Yeah. I can _totally_ see that you didn't want me to be taken away. Especially since my hands are tied together. Oh, by the way, did I mention that you threw me onto a stone bridge?!"

His father's face became a snarl. "Don't talk to me that way. Be grateful I'm letting you see the view of this place before you die."

"Uh huh. I can totally enjoy the view seeing as I'm about to...WHAT?!"

"Oh, yes." His father's face became an angelic mask. "You're going to die, just like your mother did."

"YOU KILLED MY MOTHER?!"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say kill." His father looked thoughtful for a moment. "It's more like...she didn't take swimming lessons before she got kicked off a bridge. This same bridge, to be exact."

Mukahi was shocked. "No wonder I didn't see her...I thought she was travelling somewhere again."

"Oh yes. She was very angry with me at disowning you. She was nagging, and, quite frankly, I really couldn't stand it anymore. It's better this way. Really."

Mukahi glared. "What I don't get is the fact that we're on _top_ of the bridge."

"Well, makes it easier to roll down." His father smiled again. "The railings really get in the way. Especially since you can't stand up." He snapped his fingers.

A man in a black suit bent down and untied Mukahi's arms.

His father continued. "You see, I'm giving you a bit of...courtesy, really. This way, at least your arms will be free. Really won't help much, though, considering the fact that you'll need both your legs and arms in order to swim. Of course, I guess you could save yourself using only your arms, but it gets a bit tiring." He took out his cellphone and flipped it open. "Ah...they're almost here."

"Who?" Mukahi asked suspiciously.

"Why, your friends of course!" His father took out a book. "You see, I knew all along they had a GPS tracking device stuck onto your book. Safest place to put one, really. I took the book along, since I'm betting your friends want to know where you are. What they don't know is that I have a GPS tracking device on one of your friends."

"Where? On Hiyoshi's book?"

"No, of course not, silly! I put it on Oshitari-san's eyeglasses! One of the safest places to put it."

"He must've noticed though!" Mukahi was confused. "I mean, the chip really isn't that small!"

"Not if you put it somewhere near the back of the frames. It doesn't matter. He might've thought it was stuck onto his glasses when he got them. Anyways, they're almost here. I just wanted to wait for your friends, because it's better if more people come to the show, right?" His father's smile instantly became a snarl. He took out a gun and pointed it at Mukahi. "Now then. I'm giving you two choices. Either you roll off the bridge or I shoot you. Don't worry, I'll give you time, your friends aren't here yet. But, if you stay on the bridge and they've arrived, I'll assume you want me to shoot you."

Mukahi stared at the gun. _I either drown or get shot...Argh! I'd rather drown than killed by him._ "I'l-"

Oshitari suddenly appeared out of nowhere, running towards Mukahi.

His father looked up and smiled. "Ah, they're here." Two men in black suits blocked Oshitari's way, pointing guns at him. His father looked surprised. "You came here alone?"

Shishido came running up. He stopped short. "YOU'RE the one who took him away?!" He stared at the gun, looked at where it was pointing at, and his jaw dropped. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"I see. I guess more people are coming. It'd be better if you tied their arms together." He waited, and with much struggling, Oshitari and Shishido were tied up. "Well then," he turned back to Mukahi. "Do you want to roll off, or not?"

Mukahi hesitated, then spoke up. "I want to ask a question first."

His father snarled. "Trying to buy yourself more time, eh?"

"No."

"Very well. But only one question."

Mukahi nodded. "Well, I've been wanting to ask this question for a really long time." He stopped.

His father waited. "Go on."

"Well, I don't know how to break the news to you..."

His father was getting impatient now. "Well?! What is it?!"

"Well...I was wondering..." Mukahi took a deep breath. "Can you be the godfather of my child?"

His father's jaw dropped. The two men guarding Oshitari and Shishido turned around and stared.

Mukahi glared. "Well?! Will you? Or won't you? You know, it's not that hard of a question!"

"You have a child?!" his father asked.

Mukahi rolled his eyes. "Well yeah, no duhh! I was pregnant like, I dunno...13 months ago. Gave birth to him 4 months ago."

"YOU WERE PREGNANT?!"

"No freaking duhh! I think I have a picture of him somewhere...aw shoot. It's back at the hotel. Anyways, will you? You still haven't answered yet."

His father laughed. "Trying to fool me there, eh? It's not going to work, Gakuto. Men can't get pregnant."

Mukahi had a shocked expression on his face. "I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT A MAN! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!!"

Silence...

"I'm a woman, in case you haven't noticed."

Silence...

"Actually, I'm probably a hermaphrodite. Not quite sure yet."

"..."

"Would you quit staring at me? It's not that hard!"

"..."

"Frick man! There's no law saying that I can't get pregnant and give birth you know! Although, it was kind of painful during labor..."

His father was now the equilvalent of a gaping fish. He had dropped his gun.

"ANSWER!"

Suddenly two policemen came and had managed to get on top of the bridge. "Freeze!" they shouted.

His father looked up in alarm and turned back to Mukahi. He snarled. "You two faced bastard!" In a flash he pushed Mukahi off the bridge.

Mukahi's eyes went wide. He could feel wind against his back. It was as if he was flying...

He landed in the water with a great splash. Pain went through his body; it was like landing on a great brick of ice. He couldn't see where he was, and didn't know which way was up or down. He tried to move his arms, but his clothes were too heavy and it really didn't do much.

Soon, he was enshrouded in a dark blanket...

* * *

Someone was slapping Mukahi's face. "OI! Wake up!" 

Mukahi groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Ow..." He tried to sit up, but his body wouldn't respond. "Urgh. Stop slapping."

"Told you. This is alot like Harry Potter now," Hiyoshi said.

"Shishido, stop slapping. You're going to kill him if you keep that up," Atobe said.

Shishido stopped. "Sorry."

Mukahi coughed. "Where exactly am I?"

"SUGEE! HE'S ALIVE!" Jirou shouted. "Muka-kun, you're on the ground, see?"

"I know that," Mukahi grumbled. "What happened to him?"

"Who? Fish guy?" Shishido rolled his eyes. "He got arrested. For attempted murder."

"Why are you calling him fish guy?"

"Cause he was gaping like a fish when you told him you had a child."

Ohtori looked bewildered. "Mukahi-senpai has a child?!"

"Again. Alot like Harry Potter."

"Shut up about Harry Potter already!" Shishido yelled. "And unlike Harry Potter, I don't think the guy actually told his killer that he was a hermaphrodite and had a child!"

"True..."

Mukahi tried to sit up again, and was successful. "Where's Yuushi?"

"Talking to the police. And Ore-sama wants to know what you did exactly to make your father so shocked."

"Not much. Just told them that I had a 4 month old child." Mukahi shrugged.

Atobe raised one eyebrow. "He was about to kill you and you made up a story about having a child?"

"Well, it's not my fault! It's the first thing that came to my head! It was either that or claim that I was in love with him and wanted to marry him!"

"You should've told him you were married to someone!" Shishido smirked. "He'd probably be even more surprised."

"Nah. I think the whole being pregnant thing was better."

"Alot like Harry Potter..." Hiyoshi mumbled.

Mukahi glared and kicked Hiyoshi. "The Harry Potter thing is getting super annoying now!"

The regulars stared in shock.

"What?" Mukahi was clueless as to why everyone was staring at him. "Did I grow an extra nose?"

"Dude...you just kicked him." Shishido's mouth had dropped open.

"...Yeah...So?"

"Using your leg."

"Uh huh. Yeah, so?"

"Which is supposed to be crippled at the moment."

It was now Mukahi's turn to stare at his leg in shock. He began kicking at the ground using his heel.

"SUGEE! MUKA-KUN'S LEG IS ALIVE!" Jirou shouted.

"Only the right one though," Mukahi murmured. "And it's kind of tiring right now...but it moves!"

"SUGEE!!"

"Alot like Harry Potter," Hiyoshi mumbled.

"Ore-sama demands that you shut up about Harry Potter this minute!"

"...Right."

Just then Oshitari walked up to them and sat down. "They've arrested him for murder. They thought he was stalking us, because of the GPS, but I told them he wasn't."

"Did he give it back?" Mukahi asked.

"Give what back?"

"The book! Phantom of the Opera!"

Oshitari shook his head. "No. I don't know what happened to it. He probably threw it in the water or something."

"Urgh! I'm suing him for stealing my book! And...for killing my mom."

"Oh yeah. About that. Are you okay?" Shishido asked.

Mukahi shrugged. "I don't really know. I mean, honestly, I barely knew her. I mean, she wasn't a loving parent or anything. She was just...there." He yawned. "Agh. I'm sleepy."

"I have a question though."

"What?"

"Are you really a hermaphrodite?"

"No! That was to get him distracted you know!"

"Right. I can totally believe that."

"SHUT UP!"

"Yeah. Uh huh. Keep talking."

"YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

"Yeah. Go on."

"OH YEAH?! LET'S DUEL!"

"...I told you. For the last time, we aren't going to duel! Plus, you're stealing Yu-Gi-Oh's trademark logo."

"Whatever! LET'S DUEL!!"

"..."

* * *

**Nurf. This was kinda...weird.**

**And now...for the epilouge. And then I'm done.**

**Pretty short, but whatever.**

**And about the Rialto Bridge, I just put in some random name for a bridge in Italy. Not that realistic for someone to drown over there...but whatever. Let's just PRETEND it's not a canal bridge...thingy...**


	7. Epilogue

**Yay! This is the epilogue! Doesn't have dialogue in it...because I just suck that way. Pretty short too. Probably less that 100 words.**

**O.o I forgot how to spell epilogue for a moment and I had to use Google. xD -sighs- I really need spell-check one of these days...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

After the Hyoutei regulars went back to Japan they were faced with a serious problem. Since Mukahi's father was arrested, the government and taken over his whole estate. Therefore, Mukahi had nowhere to live. They ended up deciding that it'd be best for Mukahi to live with Oshitari for the time being.

Mukahi's father, as everyone knows by now, was arrested. He was charged with murder, attempted murder, and child abuse. Of course, that gave him a life sentence. Unfortunately, his father had become mentally ill one year into the sentence and commited suicide on August 21, 2008.

His mother's body was found in the canal, and was shipped back to Japan, where she was put into her final resting place. Mukahi visited her grave from time to time, and sometimes some of the regulars went along with him.

Mukahi eventually was able to walk again, and in about a year he was able to play tennis. He could even do all his acrobatic moves. The doctor said that it was a miracle, and congratulated Mukahi on his good fortune.

And so...they lived happily ever after. Kinda.

* * *

**I know. Kinda a lame ending, but this IS the first multi-chaptered story that I've actually finished. And done pretty damn well.**

**Now...I have to edit my profiles...Because they suck and they're disorganized. -.- Ugh.**


End file.
